i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
