Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
