I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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