you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
