She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
