I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
