piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
