burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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