It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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