Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
