My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
