peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
