watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
