Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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