FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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