Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
