conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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