We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
