everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
