I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
