he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
