no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
