I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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