this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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