Fine. I'll sleep in my office
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
