Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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