Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
