He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Randomize
