I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize