She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize