uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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