True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
