i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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