I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We have started to decorate penises.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize