I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
