oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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