He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
