do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I believe in your delicious
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
