it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Be still, my beating vagina.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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