From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
