Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
