walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
