at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
