I just pynch a tree in the face
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
