How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
