Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
