it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
