i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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