I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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