Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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