we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
