It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
