So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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