Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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