I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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