this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
