Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
