were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
