So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
