I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
