you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
