it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
