My room smells like vodka and shame
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
