i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
