ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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