Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
