You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
These tits shall not be calmed
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
