and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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