dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
God I need to hump something, right now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
