would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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